so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
