And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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