God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
