hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
