Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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