everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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