I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
