Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
