I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
