Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This baby is an asshole
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
