Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
