she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize