Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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