so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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