Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
