Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
