I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
