Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
