you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
