All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
