Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
