Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
