Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
