my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
