You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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