You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
