Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
