i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
