We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
