i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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