The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
