It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
