yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it's like iHOP with fire
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
