there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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