I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
