ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
