How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
