My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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