I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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