AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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