is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
