I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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