I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
sex in a hospital.. check
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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