I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The struggles of a small town man whore
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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