if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
