Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
