Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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