i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
