Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
