I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
